Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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