I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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