yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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