I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
