It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
