Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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