So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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