guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
