mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
