I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
