I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
