Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
