shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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