The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No...this little piggys going to the bar
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
