Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
