I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I need to align my fucking chakras
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
