what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
