I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
