I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
