You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he puts the penis in happiness.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
