Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
