dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
