Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
There's always time for handjobs
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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