We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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