Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
