I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
