He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
