I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
