just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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