I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
