She said her name was "party"
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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