Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
