Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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