a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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