my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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