Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Betty ford says i'm here all night
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Randomize
