I think im going to throw up on grandma
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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