I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Randomize
