i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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