Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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