You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Randomize
