If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
