Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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