the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
