i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
