hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
