No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
