i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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