the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
