I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
