Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
